You are so busy taking care of your newborn that sex has been the last thing on your mind. New babies require round-the-clock attention and a great deal of physical contact. This can be both physically and emotionally draining.
Other reasons why a woman has a reduced sex drive include how her body is healing from the ordeal of labor and delivery. Major hormonal shifts are taking place that can make her feel off balance. Intercourse can be painful or uncomfortable. In addition, her body is still recovering from giving birth and she may not feel as attractive as usual. She may also consciously or subconsciously fear to become pregnant again.
Here are some basic tips to get back onto the bandwagon of being sexual again:
Your mind is your most powerful sex organ, and your skin is your largest one! Fantasies are healthy and normal as long as you can separate them from reality and accept (and sometimes appreciate) that you may not be able to fulfill them. For many, fantasies should remain as they are – fantasies – as reality creates potential let-downs. You do not need to share your fantasies with your spouse especially if he or she is not going to receptive or open to your fantasies and this may cause unnecessary hurt.
2. Touching you, touching me
Touch is the medium through which we first become acquainted with the world. Some people like to touch others, while some do not. Some like being touched, yet others might not. Are you a toucher or non-toucher? What does touch mean to your partner though? And the type of touch your beloved prefers? Have a discussion about touch. You’d be surprised how many people touch their partners the way they think their partners might like, without actually ever asking or discussing what would be better touch. Experiment with a variety of different strokes and sensations. You might be surprised by what this brings to your relationship.
3. Just breathe
Most of us are shallow breathers. What if I told you that your breath is your greatest source of energy and aliveness? With some practice, you can actually move erotic energy around your body with and on your breath. Your orgasms will be longer and deeper. You will share a more authentically intimate connection with your partner. Begin by connecting with your breath – develop a practice of noticing your breath and breathing more deeply, then bring it into the bedroom. Instead of holding your breath when you are about to orgasm, breathe – your orgasm will actually be more intense!
4. Look into my eyes
If our eyes are the “windows to the soul”, why don’t we try looking into their essence? The practice of eye gazing is an ancient practice found in both Hindu and Buddhist Tantra as well as in the Sufi tradition. It is a wonderful way to connect at the soul level. Slow down. There is no need to hurry. Take some time gazing into each other’s eyes. It can be done with your beloved before and during sex. The benefits can include: becoming more present, opening your heart and expanding your awareness of the Divine in all beings.
For most women, the decrease in libido is temporary. With time, patience and practice, you and your partner can rebuild a satisfying sexual relationship and develop it into an even stronger emotional connection.
This article was first published in The New Age Parents online magazine
By Dr Martha Lee
Dr Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching. A certified sexologist with a Doctorate in Human Sexuality, she provides sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conducts sexual education workshops and speaks at public events.
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