As you spend time nurturing and caring for your newborn, it is important not to overlook your relationship with your spouse. Your relationship with your husband or wife might start to take a toll if both parties do not make any effort to sustain the relationship.
Here are eight tips how you can improve your relationship:
1. Have a weekly ‘relationship dates’
Reserve a few hours each week to go on a date. Such dates do not have to be fanciful or expensive. A simple activity such as packing a picnic or taking walk down the beach is good enough. Spend time to talk about what is going on in your life, where both of your relationship is heading, or resolve past issues.
2. Ensure you have your partner’s attention before talking about an important issue
Simply ask, “Is this a good time for us to talk?” This will ascertain the fact that you are being heard. Avoid holding a conversation when your partner’s mind is on something else. Schedule a time when both of you will be able to give each other undivided attention. However, in times of crisis, it is crucial to drop everything at hand and be prepared to listen.
3. Give in on the little things
Ever heard the saying: “Don’t sweat the small stuff, and remember, it’s all small stuff”? With the arrival of your baby, your attention and priorities have changed, and there are bigger things at stake. Consider reading Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff in Love (by Richard Carlson and his wife of 14 years, Kristine) for their simple and stress-free approach to love.
4. Find ways to say ‘I love you’ without saying the actual words
Random acts of kindness go a long way in demonstrating your love to your partner. Simple acts such as setting the coffee machine to brew, making lunch or opening the car door goes a long way. You can always be nice without reason.
5. Saying “I love you”
It might sound like an oxymoron comparing to point number 4, however, I assure you, it isn’t. Besides being kind and considerate, it is always nice to remind and assure your spouse of your love. The saying, “Love not expressed is love not received,” rings true. If you want your spouse to know about your affection, speak it and show it.
6. Communicate your feelings in a loving, constructive way
If you do not wish to hurt your partner, refrain from speaking your feelings out of hurt or anger. I assure you that you are not doing your partner a favour, or yourself. Instead, the grudges you nurse or resentment you harbour is the only poison that will kill your relationship over time. Find a way to communicate openly and amicably.
7. Fight fair
It is inevitable that conflicts will arise. Do not get caught up in the bickering game and leave it without any concrete solutions. The solution is to resolve a conflict in a positive, constructive manner. Never threaten the relationship. Don’t call each other names or belittle each other. Resolve issues before going to sleep, or agree to disagree.
8. Act romantic and you will feel romantic
Do not wait for the right “mood” to be romantic. Set the scene, be receptive to touch, and you will be surprised at how your desire will arise naturally. Part of being romantic has to do with understanding the way you like to be romanced, while the other part is just being open to possibilities.
With these tips, may your household continue to be one of love.
By Dr. Martha Lee, Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching
A certified sexologist with a Doctorate in Human Sexuality, Dr. Martha Lee provides sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conducts sexual education workshops and speaks at public events.
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