How to bring Romance to Each Other’s Sex Lives
There is always time for romancing your spouse. We use the word romance all the time. It is easy to assume we know what it means.
Romance is a general term that refers to the attempt to express love with words or deeds. It invokes the feelings of excitement associated with love. To continue to romance and woo your spouse is also to not take each other for granted.
Men and women have different definitions of what is sexy or romantic. Generally, women’s sexual fantasies tend to be filled with more romantic interludes then do men’s: such as a candlelit bubble bath or a spontaneous picnic at dusk.
For boys (who become men), their sexual fantasies tend to focus more outrightly on sex without all those romantic frills. So it’s not that he loves you any less: he’s just different. In addition, some men have a harder time expressing their deeper emotional feelings and fear feeling vulnerable if they do.
Spell it out
This may be a shocker for you: HE ISN’T A MIND READER, so, he isn’t doing what you want romantically to hurt you, but because he genuinely doesn’t know! Ask for what you want and be specific — for example: “It would be really romantic if we forgo the roses this year and have strawberries and champagne by candlelight.”
Would you like him to make you ‘be mine’ card? How about heart-shaped candies, roses, and fine wines? If not objects of adoration, how about him making you a romantic dinner or affectionate sweetheart kisses when you wake up? When you set clear intents for what you want, you are more likely to get it.
Drop Gift Hints
When it comes to presents, it is still reasonable to tell him what you want. If you can’t bear to do that, email him or place a little note on his pillow that says: “I would like some pearl earrings for Valentine’s Day this year.” Ask for simple things. You want to make him a hero for pleasing you. And if you have children, don’t bring them into it, because they might end up feeling responsible for your romantic happiness.
So he’s done what you wanted to be in the mood, but he needs to see that romancing you is worth the effort and will also further his goals. So after you tell him what to do, give him feedback. Tell him how much you liked it, what a turn-on it was, how much you appreciate his doing it and how you hope he does it again soon – hopefully before next Valentine’s Day.
Bring Yourself To The Table
If you sit back waiting to have the desire or mood to initiate sex, it might not happen. The spark you need in your relationship with spouse is out there waiting for you to ignite it! On Valentine’s Day, and any other day, your love life is what you make it: it’s what you create with your actions.
By Dr Martha Lee, Eros Coaching.
Dr Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching. A certified sexologist with a Doctorate in Human Sexuality, she provides sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conducts sexual education workshops and speaks at public events.
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