Some mothers are considered core pillars for the families, and they simulate a household nucleus or a powerhouse. Without this core, many things in the household can cease to function. While mothers nurture and serve different individuals in their families, they could be left helpless sometimes. Some mothers face uncertainties, and they need help as well.
Often, these mothers do not know which options they should take, and they do not have the avenues to clarify their issues. Also, most cannot get their concerns sorted out within their households. Whether they are strategic, or everyday questions, evaluation of an option demonstrates a careful consideration, a thoughtful planning, and a concern for the consequences.
Question #1: Should I give up my career?
This is an important question, and it may not have to be answered immediately. There could be many reasons why some women would consider ending their careers despite accumulating years of education, experience, and training. While some are clear that this is what they have to undertake, there are others who may not be so sure, and they might consider a break eventually. While in this transition, some women have also considered a career change or an opportunity to do something different in their lives.
Question #2: Should I have a maid take care of my children?
Yes, some women would jump for extra help especially when they are overwhelmed but prior to doing so, I believe some would take time to consider several critical issues: Am I in need of a maid? Will it turn out well? Will my children benefit more by being in a care facility? Will I be able to find an efficient maid? Can I cope with a maid who is around all the time? Every woman’s comfort level is different so there is no straight forward answer for this question. Some women find the overall benefits more important than the temporary inconvenience, while others are concerned that they would not be able to handle the added issues.
Question #3: When would be a good time to go back to work?
Most mothers have realized that their priorities change once their children arrive, and they hesitate to return to work. There are also others who are keen to return to work as they find themselves unable to stay at home all day. Though there are daycare locations which will take care of babies, some still find great difficulty in sending off their babies – these mothers might find themselves consistently wondering if their babies would be well taken care of. Then, there will be some who will choose to opt for the closest daycare locations (to their offices) as this will enable them to visit whenever they want. Finally, there will be others who will choose to delay returning to work.
Question #4: Should I stay with my in-laws?
A larger, living community can help to run everyday life more efficiently. There are several benefits that can be associated with such living arrangements. Grandparents may be able to look after the children, and take care of meals. Such domestic setups may be an ideal for younger working couples who may not have the time to grocery shop, cook, and take care of their households. In return, they reciprocate with appreciation, and contribution to the household expenses. However, not everyone’s personality is suited for such living arrangement. Some might prefer space, and quietness at the end of the day – such individuals find consistent interaction stressful.
Question #5: My husband and I have many disagreements. What should I do?
I do not know that many couples who would actually solve all their disagreements prior to getting married. Lifestyle is so different prior to marriage, and many wouldn’t know what to expect unless they actually have the related personal experience. As such, many couples find themselves revealing their true impression about married life soon after tying the knot. Some find themselves in consistent conflicts all of a sudden. Compromise is the key to solving any differences, and some couples know this from the start while others learn the hard way. Understanding the basis for those disagreements can often motivate couples to take initiatives to solve their conflicts efficiently.
Question #6: How do I know if it’s time to have another child?
Prior to marriage, most women lead single lives where they do not have to care for anyone full time (with exceptions of those looking after aging parents). Going from this lifestyle to taking care of a household with children can be an abrupt switch for some women. Often, these women find themselves having difficulties managing their lives, and some wonder how they are going to cope with more children. In essence, there is no ideal time to have another child. While some women are more capable of organization and task delegation, others reach out for more help.
Question #7: Should I stay at home?
Some mothers face a crossroad in their motherhood journey, and they ask this question – should I devote all my attention to the children? Sometimes, the answer is not clear cut, and the decision cannot be made easily. Some consider what they would do if they were to stay at home all day. Others consider various ways to upgrade themselves after leaving their full-day jobs – typically, this option provides the desired flexibility for these women to look after their children.
Question #8: Would staying at home affect me negatively?
With good intentions, some women choose to stay at home to care for their children. Without a plan of what they are going to do (aside from taking care of the children), some find their self-esteem affected, and they gradually become frustrated and dissatisfied. Subsequently, these women find themselves having disagreements or conflicts with those around them (including their spouses) without realizing that they need to resolve their personal issues. Fundamentally, before treading this downward, spiral road, these women should find time to strategize for themselves. To stay fit, they can consider taking up sports or leisure activities. For enrichment, they can embark on different academic journeys. These are some avenues to avoid creating a disparity in their relationships.
Question #9: How do I find time for my husband now that we have a baby?
Some women find themselves struggling to maintain their relationships with their husbands after having their children. With almost all waking hours devoted to the children, these women find themselves consistently tired, and they realize that they are spending lesser time alone with their husbands. Without additional bandwidth to resolve this discrepancy, they will eventually realize that this neglect will affect their married relationships. To avert this probable conflict, some women start to allocate time for their husbands. Fundamentally, such opportunity allows couples to focus on themselves, and forget about other responsibilities for the time being. Some couples find such arrangements useful, and critical to sustain their marriage.
Question #10: What do I do when my husband and I have different parenting approaches?
Many conflicts can arise after the arrival of the baby, and some couples have realized that they cannot agree on the same parenting approach. Generally, adults have different nurturing perspectives due to their upbringing experience, and they are also keen to determine how their children should be raised. Some couples try to solve this difference by adopting several approaches. Some keep an open mind, and they eventually embrace the uniqueness of each parenting style.
There are many questions that mothers ask every day. As their lifestyles and children’s developmental growth change, their questions change as well. Often, many forget that they do not have to walk their journeys alone, and they can learn from others who have undertaken similar motherhood adventures. In addition, participation in different communities can also provide avenues for them to manage their issues.
By Caroline Yeung
Caroline has over 18 years of communication experience and she has worked with technology and consumer companies. Her recent interest in Early Childhood Education has led her to work towards a certificate from The UCLA Extension in California. Caroline’s previous teaching experience also came from working with junior college and polytechnic students in Singapore.