The saying “Cup Runneth Over” refers to one who had received so many benefits that they cannot contain them all.
You are probably wondering how this is relevant to you.
Well, when was the last time you had a good night’s sleep? Are you feeling exhausted, stressed and overwhelmed by life? Is hubby playing his part or holed up in the study room in front of his laptop? Did you invariantly push him away because he was not doing it as quickly or as efficiently as you could? And he’s complaining about the lack of sex?
And may I dare venture and ask: When was the last time you found an overflowing sense of joy, pleasure or even ecstasy to the effect of “Cup Runneth Over”?
In your haste to do more in less time, and spend as much time as possible with your child (or children), you might have snapped at your spouse, alienated yourself from friends who care about you, and become isolated from the rest of the world – short of going to and fro home and work. In your constant struggle to get everything done, did you ask yourself how long you can keep this up for?
Here are some tips on how to thrive in life so that your libido might return.
#1 Slow down
As Lily Tomlin said, “For fast-acting relief, try slowing down.” To slow down, simply do the things you are doing slower. Just take a deep breath and slow down your movement and your pace when walking. Drive your car and ride your bike a little slower. Eat slower. Take in life around you a bit instead of focusing on setting a new speed record.
#2 First thing first
Take in your surroundings for a minute or two to relax and reconnect with this present moment, and ask yourself: What is the most important thing I can do right now? Replace the frantic and stressed energy of a mind that is going too fast for its own good, and take action by doing the most important things one at a time. As you slow down it becomes easier to find a healthy perspective and to think things through in a clear and calm way.
#3 Self-care time
Sit down in nature and watch the ocean. Or take a long shower. You could lie down on your bed and sofa and shut out the world for a time. Just chill – without thinking about what you want to do or about the past or future. When you don’t focus on needing to be or do this or that, your mind starts to relax and work on its own. This can extend to feeling more at-home with yourself and your body.
#4 Start exercising
I know it sounds totally ironic since you feel so tired that you cannot imagine even exercising. We all know that exercises releases feel-good hormones, helps relax the body, as well as strengthens your body. If you are still not convinced, think of how much more effective you can become when you are physically stronger and mentally sharper?
#5 Ask for help
Let go of the need to be perfect. Do you tend to keep comparing yourself with your peers? Or consistently worried about not being good enough? Did you really need to get to that cleaning and washing right away? Help can come in form of grandparents, part-time helpers, friends who do not have kids of their own and would jump at the chance to do some baby-sitting. If you don’t ask, you don’t get!
I recognise that I am not in your situation or in your shoes. However I empathise with you and the challenges you must be experiencing. I have had many female clients who struggle with regaining their sexual drives after baby, not because they have not recovered physically after delivery but because of the relentless pace they are living.
When you are okay inside, life is better on the outside. What needs to happen so that your cup can runneth cover? Think about it, discuss it with your husband, and start making some small steps towards making a great year ahead!
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This article was first published in The New Age Parents e-magazine
By Dr Martha Lee
Dr Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching. A certified sexologist with a Doctorate in Human Sexuality, she provides sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conducts sexual education workshops and speaks at public events.
For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com