Firstly, I will like you to be truly honest with me and ask yourself, “Are you tired of nagging your child?”
Well, if your answer is ‘Yes’, there is good news for you! There are ways you can get your child to cooperate with you without constantly scolding and nagging at them! As a matter of fact, most children I asked have a common wish for their parents – That is hope their parents will stop nagging!
Therefore, I concluded that constantly nagging and scolding is not the way to get cooperation. The biggest secret is that parents should never tell their children what they should do. Children, especially when they are teens, have a strong emotional need for independence, and they hate being told how to think and what to do.
Instead, you should empower them with choices, giving them the choice of what they want in life.
Empowering them with Choice
When you give them choices, they feel a sense of independence, and they also feel the freedom to choose their own life.
Hence, instead of nagging at them to study, you should give them choices.
“If you don’t study, you will end up with lousy grades. Then you cannot choose the course you want to study, and can only take the leftovers. Being poorly educated, you usually end up with lousy jobs with low pay. Then, you will have very few choices in life, not having the freedom to eat the food you like and to buy the things you want.
BUT, if you choose to study hard and get good grades, you will have the FREEDOM to choose the school and course you want to study. With top qualifications, you can get high pay jobs and you will have many choices in life.
In the end, the choice is still up to you. Think about it carefully.”
If you put it across to them this way, they will feel empowered in their life. They will associate studying with freedom and happiness and not just to make their mum and dad happy.
Most students study because their parents are very strict with them. Though it may bring short term effects, they will get disheartened in the long run as they feel that their feelings have been neglected and they are just studying to make their parents happy.
Talk About your Feelings
Instead of scolding my students every time they commit a mistake, I will use this useful strategy of sharing my feelings with them.
The wonderful news is most kids care about their parents from the bottom of their heart. And if you are open enough to share your feelings with them, they will be touched!
Instead of scolding them…
“Why are you so playful? Can you stop playing the computer games and study?”
Share your feelings…
“You know, son, I get upset when I see you neglecting your studies.”
Give Constructive Feedback
When children make mistakes, the first thing most parents do is always throwing accusations such as,
“That is wrong!”
“That is really so stupid!”
“Don’t do that!”
When we tell people that they are wrong, their automatic response will be to defend themselves. They will tend to ‘fight back’ to justify their actions.
So what can be a more effective strategy? Instead of scolding straight away, you can first praise your child for what is correct, then give advice on what can be improved.
Remember that there is nothing wrong with your children, there is only something wrong with their behaviour.
“It is great to see you putting so much effort in your art, at the end of it, do clear up the table so that you can save me some time in tidying up the house.”
I have just shared 3 creative ways in which you can get your child to cooperate and listen to you willingly. Follow it and you will enjoy a happier and closer child parent relationship.
Article by Study Grandmaster.