Wanting the flexibility of her own working hours, Felicia Tan, author of “To Baby With Love” started her own business so that she could take care of her children in time to come. She was expecting her first child in 2011 when tragedy struck. The New Age Parents spoke to her to learn more about her book, and her brave journey in overcoming her grief and loss.
Hi Felicia, before we jump in, tell us more about yourself!
I am a Business Manager in graphic and web design services. I like to swim, cycle and listening to music.
Tell us more about your book, “To Baby with Love”
The book talks about the start of marriage life, staying together, sharing a common goal to try for a baby, conceiving, the lost of baby to a renewal of hope. In a nutshell, it is about my life journey, my marriage from my perspective. All was normal until it took a turn for the worse.
Why did you choose to write and how did it help you cope with your loss of your baby?
I had the idea when my hubby told me our baby will always remain in our memory. I was trained as a graphic designer so I knew the process of getting a book printed. I thought to myself, “Why should I keep it in memory only?” That’s why I decided to send my draft to my publisher, who is also my client to see if it was viable for print. I wrote the book during confinement and a month thereafter. To me, it forced me to go through the details again but keeping a clear mind. After I launched the book, I realised a couple of my friends were also trying for a baby but doing it silently. So the book served as a guideline for them. This made me feel better for being able to share and help them as well.
What was the hardest part while penning this book?
The hardest part was when I was penning the chapter on the tragedy. Tears kept streaming down when I was writing that part. But I knew I had to complete this part to bring a closure to this chapter in my life.
What is the one thing you want readers to take away, after reading your book?
Don’t give up, no matter how hopeless the situation may be, even in other scenarios. Don’t grieve in silence, share it with other people to cope better with your emotions. As I wrote the book, a lot of my friends had miscarriage too but suffered in silence. It seemed typical of us to suffer in silence, especially for our Asian culture. However, I realise if you dare to speak out, you will find others in the same predicament as you and you are not alone. A lot of people are suffering too and they may be far worse than what you are going through.
Besides writing, were there other avenues you tapped on during this trying period?
I went to church to try to find peace and calm within myself.
This is your first array into writing, can we look forward to future works for you?
I hope so. Maybe in other topics as well.
It has been almost 6 months since the passing of Dominic, have you and your husband discussed about trying for another child?
Yes, we are trying as of now.
Any personal inspiring reads/books to recommend to parents?
I would recommend parents to read more from a variety of sources. What works for others may or may not work for you.
Complete this sentence, Letting go is…
Finding the inner peace within yourself and not blame yourself for what has happened.
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