From the school holidays to special occasions like Christmas and the New Year, there is just so much to do! On top of all that, you need to ensure the well-being of your child, finish household chores, and stay on top of things at work. So how can you possibly make time to maintain the sexual intimacy between your husband and you?
Here’s one suggestion: Quick sex
Otherwise known as a quickie, the thinking behind it is this: Some sex is better than no sex. In fact, having some quick sex may well shake things up a bit, get him to see you in a different light, and both of us can possibly have lots of fun. Sex does not need to always be slow, sensual and revolve around the deep emotions.
Just how do you prepare yourself for quick sex? Here are six tips:
1. It’s All About Your Attitude – Develop a positive mindset towards sex. Banish thoughts or attitudes that inhibit orgasm such as: “I am taking too long”; “He’s tired”; “He should know what to do”; “I should be pleasing him”. And what if we eliminated judgment and just focused on “playing”?
Tell your spouse that we will just “do a bit” and see how it goes…. No pressure, just play, only it is in fast motion – as if both of you are actors in a DVD playing in fast forward mode. Play freely with each other.
2. Own Your Pleasure – Know that you are important and deserve pleasure! Take responsibility for your sexuality! You might want to give him a naughty wink, reach for your trusty vibrator and turn it on! If you don’t have one, get a small one for a start. Your vibrator on or around your clitoris can give you the oomph you need for a quick orgasm. After five minutes, you may wish to end with penetrative sex for his finish.
3. Fantasise – Don’t be afraid to incorporate fantasy into your lovemaking. Fantasy is not the same as reality. Just because you think a situation does not mean you want it to happen or that it will happen. Relax. Allow yourself to be creative. The occasional use of mental images can help you get off. Also, what goes on in your mind can stay in your mind. You do not need to share those thoughts with your hubby unless you feel he is open to hearing about them – and definitely not until you feel you are ready to.
4. Do Your Kegels During Sex – Kegels is a wonderful exercise to strengthen your pelvic floor muscles. The act of clenching your buttocks and upper thigh muscles during sex is also a great enhancer to the sexual experience. Squeezing those muscles “down there” will increase blood flow to your pelvic area, which leads to greater vaginal lubrication and clitoral engorgement making it more likely for you to attain orgasm! Start by first practising Kegels as you go about your day so that it is easier to incorporate it into sex later on.
5. Breathe Harder and Faster – How would you breathe climbing Bukit Timah Hill? Now, how might you breathe when excitement builds during sex and you are feeling the flush happening within your body? That’s right.
You would tend to breathe faster – like in a slow pant. By intentionally quickening your breathing, you can trigger the excitement you usually experience during sex. Your body will not know that you are breathing quickly to stimulate the sensations of orgasm. Like kick-starting a car engine, your breathing can help you get into the flow of “the deed” faster. Try it!
6. Experiment – What might be the fastest way to get both of you “hot” for each other? Does it have to do with you saying a particular phrase in a sexy way, for example, “Hey sailor!” Or perhaps it could be what you are wearing around the house, such as shorts, lingerie, or stockings?
Have you tried masturbating together by watching each other fondle your genitals from a slight distance? This can be a unique, intense and arousing experience.
Maybe not even taking off your clothes can be a huge turn-on. Just hoist your skirt up and let him enter your hot wetness. Stroke each other, rub your bodies together, or lean into each other. Do not be embarrassed about asking for what you need or with stroking yourself during lovemaking.
In quick sex, it can feel like anonymous sex, and it’s okay if you allow yourself to be okay with it. Do not be too attached to the details. Each sexual encounter does not have to have profound meaning. Sometimes a quickie is just what it is – a no-frills scratch for that itch! Be a sexy mom. Live it up a bit.
This article was first published in The New Age Parents e-magazine
By Dr Martha Lee
Dr Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching in Singapore. She is a certified sexuality educator with the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists. She holds a Doctorate in Human Sexuality from Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality, as well as certificates in practical counselling, life coaching, and sex therapy. She provides sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conducts sexual education workshops and speaks at public events in Asia.
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