Overcoming Jealousy as a Parent

August 12, 2008

photo by kikishua

That’s the con of being a stay-at-home mummy.  You attend to your children 24/7 that you become so attached to them.  I enjoyed a very close relationship with my son, Ashton who is currently 2.5 years old.  I did almost everything for him, which includes putting him to bed during nap time, night time, baths him, teaches him and plays with him. Until recently, he began to prefer my husband over me. These few days, he would rather choose his daddy to bath him and nap with him in the afternoon.  I can’t help it but admit that I am getting upset and at the same time jealous.

In my heart, I began to feel negative about it.  I have taken such efforts to take care of my children, sacrifice my career and this is all I get.  That very instance, I really wished to go to my computer, send out my resumes and get away from Ashton…The jealousy in me has cause him to get angry with the innocent little fellow.  I would give me an angry look and at times ignore him.  But deep down, I knew that I need to overcome the jealousy so as to win my son back.

I was surprised by the way I feel.  Jealousy can be very detrimental to any relationships.  It can turn you into an angry monster.  This is how I convince myself to overcome jealousy.

1.  I find out the root cause of my jealousy.

• The lack of confident in myself - I always pride my husband to be a better parent than I am.  He has a milder temper than I am.  He is more patient with the kids, he is more fun to be with.  He is not as strict.  I pressured my son to nap at a consistent time so that I can get down to do my work but he don’t.  In all aspects, I feel that I perform so much worst off than him.  I was belittling myself as a mum.
• I am too attached to my children - I might be too attached to my children.  They are my pillar of strength and support.
• I fear losing their love - I fear losing the connectedness that I always have with my children. Taking care of their routines has become part of me.
• Feeling of being victimized - I felt that I have given up so much for them and it should be reciprocate.  No matter what happens, I should be the one whom they should seek help from.

2. This is what I tell myself to overcome the feeling of jealousy..

• I have got more time for myself - wouldn’t it be good to have someone to share my workload so that can free up some time for myself? There was a period of time when my son is very attach to me and  I could not even take a breather and I was frustrated.
• My son is growing up -  Ashton has grown up.  He has learnt that he can be independent of his mummy too. I should be happy that he is growing up and is able to relate his choices.  It leaves me with more time to guide Ashlyn.
• Feeling jealous makes me angry and being angry drives my children even further away from me.
• Children are innocent and they just express what they think, I should not take it personally.
• Ashton is at his toddler stage and he is still exploring, maybe he is having more fun with daddy now
• Most importantly, as a mum, I should love my children unconditionally.

I pen down how I handle my emotions because I have heard friends telling me how jealous they feel when their children are closer to the grandparents rather than they themselves.  So I guess the feeling of jealousy is common but its all about how you handle the emotions within you that could probably make a difference.

Posted in Managing Parenthood, My Parenting Journal