Is This How You Speak to Your Child?
January 7, 2009
photo by Brendan Gallagher
I was at a relative house for festive celebration during Christmas and I saw a little girl sulken and sitting at the corner. She looked real angry and upset. I went up to her and ask her what happen out of curiosity. She told me that her mum had told her that she is either prettier or cuter than her cousin, who was of the same age and thus it is her cousin and not her who was chosen to perform in the concert as the duo were in the same dance class. Thereafter, I noticed the little girl has change her attitude towards that cousin of her - refusing to play with her and began to isolate her. I saw the pair of cousins a few times and they have always been on close terms.
This makes me ponder on the idea that her mum was putting across to her. Is this the way a mum should speak to her child? My daughter, Ashlyn, has always known herself as a princess. The whole family including her brother, Ashton call her that. We always tell her that she is pretty and nice. Personally, telling my children that they are not as good as others never cross my mind. I always tell them that they are the best in my eyes.
Just what are the consequences the mummy’s words could have cause on the little girl. This is what I could think of.
- Rivalry between the two children. It will kill the good relationship between the two.
- Inferior Complex for the little girl. Since my mummy thinks that I am not good enough, then I am really not good enough.
- Being too competitive.. I must win my cousin in whatever she do. I will prove my mum wrong
Anyway, kids are complex beings. They are too young to express themselves well and we do not know the unwanted effects it will cause when you hurt them. Since we want to nurture our child well, the first thing we have to consistently do is to improve ourselves and be mindful of what we speak. I do not know if I make the same mistakes by speaking harshly when my children make me snap but this is my checklist to keep myself in check.
- Always be positive in words.
- Try to be encouraging.
- Use explanation and reasoning when they are upset with a certain situation.
- Most importantly, let my children feel that I will always supportive of them.
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Posted in Managing Parenthood, My Parenting Journal
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January 8th, 2009 at 8:46 am
Yes, you are right.. kids always sensitive and they seriously take into heart all their parents words. We as parents need to build the confidents and positive thinking in their personal characters and be a good modelling for them.
Parents affect children most and it will affect their whole life! We may not are the perfect parents but must be a supportive parents.
January 8th, 2009 at 10:05 pm
It’s a good deed that you’ve helped her. I’ll email her blog to my friend who stay in Singapore too!
January 8th, 2009 at 10:13 pm
Words are really important and can affect someone for life! When I was very young, I was surrounded in an environment where all my aunties kept telling me that I was dark (dark is related to ugly in the family). So it has been in my unconscious mind that I was ugly. I was very low self-esteem and low confident. I was not happy in my childhood. Never have anyone talked to me and explained to me that I am special in my own way. I only realized that I have my own strength when I was in University, far from home. It’s a long journey to have self discovery. Therefore I learned that words are important to a child and how the insensitive words affect someone.
January 9th, 2009 at 2:24 pm
Hi Rosabel,
Thank you for your help in forwarding her blog to your friend.
Really appreciate that, my friend!
January 9th, 2009 at 2:29 pm
Hey Moon,
100% agreeing with you…be supportive parents! Yeah!
January 9th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
Rosabel, I understand how u feel..many people also deem me as ugly and short in my primary school days..esp..primary school classmates, plus my grades were poor and was always the last in class..so my moral was quite low. did not enjoy my primary school days. but i was lucky to meet very good friends in secondary school
i totally understand how words hurt and can cause low esteem. so all of us must be mindful about our words…
January 11th, 2009 at 8:54 am
Rosabel, I’m in the same boat as you. I lived with inferior complexity throughout my primary and secondary school days. I only start to interact with friends during my college days. Living with low self-esteem dampens your progress in life. I don’t want my sons to follow my footsteps….
January 12th, 2009 at 2:40 am
Hi Elaine,
Thanks for helping my friend to promote her CNY cookies! Also thanks to Poh Heng for promoting the CNY cookies in his blog as well! Really appreciate both of your help! By the way, would like to highlight that the blog site is http://onlinehomemadecookies.blogspot.com (it’s without the “www”). Can you help to update it? Thanks!
cheers,
Vivien
January 12th, 2009 at 9:43 am
I try to click thru that link and it brought me to your friend’s site. shouldn’t be a problem.