How to Handle Siblings Rivalry

August 22, 2008

photo by Wandering Istra

It is common for children to have siblings rivalry.  When there are more than one child in the family, the children needs to fight for attention and they start feeling jealous when they feel that one sibling is in the parents’ favour over the other.

Since Ashlyn comes into the picture, Ashton became a hard nut to crack.  He started throwing tantrums, pushing his sister, fighting for toys, refusing to share and also wanting all my attention.  It was quite tough for me to strike a balance initially and it took me lots of patience and love to let Ashton understand that Ashlyn is a part of the family.

These are what we did to handle their siblings rivalry:

1. Let the elder one play the role of a mentor - I encourage Ashton to play the role of a mentor by teaching his sister.  Sometimes when Ashlyn requests to read a storybook, I will do it the interactive way that involves the two of them.  I will read and then post some questions to Ashton, at the same time ask Ashlyn to listen as if her brother is teaching her.  Now he helps to take care of the sister at times.  Sometimes when I am busy cooking in the kitchen, I can hear him calling for his sister to get away from the television set when Ashlyn tries to climb the TV console.
2. Play family games together - We have a little game of our own.  We call that the happy family game.  Both my children loves it and it also reinforce the idea that we are a happy family.  We just hold each other’s hands, sit in a circle and shout “HAPPY FAMILY, YEAH!!!”  The two little ones will always lift up their hands again and request us to repeat.  I guess they feel the sense of belonging and warmth while doing that.
3. Recite “I love my sister” every morning - Almost every morning when my son wakes up, my husband will ask my son to tell my daughter that he loves her.  Sometimes we will also get him to stroke his sister’s head, hug her and help us push Ashlyn’s stroller when we go on outings.
4. Let them fight - When Ashton and Ashlyn fight for toys, I will just let them settle it on their own as long as no one get hurts.  I will only step in when Ashton tries to push his sister or Ashlyn starts throwing her brother’s toys when she feels sore after losing the fight.  I feel that protecting Ashlyn too much will arouse more resentments from Ashton.
5. Praise them for being nice to each other - I praise my children every time they play in peace and share toys with each other.  I want them to know this is the way to get along and have fun with each other.
6. Explain the idea of being brother and sister - I will choose some cartoons whereby they feature siblings relationship and then explain to them what is it all about.  We love watching Barney series, “Oh Brother, she is my sister!” It is about sister and brother getting along with each other after a quarrel.

These are methods that I have used and they worked.  I believe in handling siblings rivalry based on the different characteristics of the children.  Now Ashton is much more loving to Ashlyn though he still have his off days.

Posted in Toddler Behavior