I feel that my marriage is on the verge of breaking down. My husband & I have been married for 2.5 years, we were living separately until we had a kid recently. That is when things started happening. We are almost quarrelling once / twice a week, after moving in together.
For example, he refuses to let me help out around the house & insists on doing everything himself. I’ve volunteered to help out many times & he just refuses to let me. He will then complain he has to do everything himself & I am not helping out etc. When we are quarrelling , he always demands that I pack up my stuff & move out of the house immediately or he’ll sent the kid away to his parents’ house. He will apologise, after he has cooled off. But after saying all those nasty stuff, but my feelings are already hurt it’s pointless to apologise for it. I’ve also paid my share of mortgage for the house. Although , financially I do not contributed a lot to our family he has no right to ask me to move out of the house, right?
We are having serious communication issues & I know it is not easy maintaining a family. I feel very sad to give up my marriage like that, but I am very depressed & on the verge of breaking down. I am considering divorce, please advise me.
Lynn Nana: No need for a divorce. Keep cool let him rant if he wants. Let him do it if he wants. His temper is such that he wants to do all yet grumble. So I hope you dont take it too hard. In a marriage, there's no perfect spouse or perfect marriage. Maybe ur spouse is just more challenging. Since we chose our own spouse, we shd trust our own choice. Hope this advice helps.
Hanelia Zaj: Hi there,marriage is precious and sacred,even more when a child is involved.I would suggest you have a good talk with your husband,lay out your expectations of each other,decide together on the roles and responsibilities of each other..Divorce wont solve the problem.Do think about your child..Make effort to do nice things for each other.If u feel that the love has fizzled out then walk thru memory lane w him and recall on what made you fall for each other in the first place and why you decide to have a family together..At all times maintain respect for each other..Wish you all the best!
Catherine Sng: Staying together sure will have conflict as both of u not staying togeher after married in the 1st place. Now a kid is involved when both of u jus started to adjust ur lifes together. It needs more compromise than ever. Divorce is jus a way to escape reality n it not only hurt both of u but three... Please think properly before doing anything rush.
Desiree Ang: I feel that it's not a very serious prob that needs a divorce.. I guess like u say it's all communication break down.. Maybe u should try to speak to him alone.. I believe he is tired too.. Just that he didn't know how to say but vent it out on you and it seems like he really wants to help u solve your housework chores but he feels tired too... On the other hand he doesn't want u to get tired. I guess it's all about not being able to speak up n talk but instead u both show in actions.. Don't give up this marriage.. Think about your little one.. U both come this far... Finally a house of your own.. It's not easy maintaining a family .. Furthermore it's just the beginning.. Give each other time.. The actions u both show really made me feel u both still love each other alot... Just in a wrong way.. Hope this helps..
Belle Wong: Divorce, the most pathetic is the kid, not the parents. It's nothing serious like having a third party etc. I understand how u feel, the ranting and complaints and yet still wanna do right.. It's common, not only your husband. The most is ignore. U just do yr part and don't hv to ask him. I think it's a matter of gv and take .. Some guys are just so petty like women, let them be. It won't hurt. They just say and in the fit of anger say nasty thing, u r hurt but he apologise. U alrdy hurt right, don't take it to heart. Sometimes they don't mean it. As times goes by, u will know his pattern isn't it. Love is about giving in and enduring..
Cecilia JinYan: You shouldn't take his mistreatment 'cause your kids may learn to be disrespectful to you like the dad, it's not a good environment for the kids. No matter how unhappy/tired he is, that's an unacceptable attitude. Try marriage counselling, it works for some people. And I found this site which I think is probably good for your situation http://www.marriagebuilders.com/grap...00_policy.html
Dion Lee: Ur hubby loves u but doesn't know how to express it. Some ppl r hot tempered. Things they say when they r angry r normally nasty. Really don't take it to heart. If not, u can try " selective listening" . Be more understanding, but if u feel tt talking to each other will create another argument, try writing on paper, short n sweet. Like " u care about him etc"
Never try to compare the past n present, it's useless.
Lynn Nana: I agree 'selective listening' at times helps and I guess that is how we managed to stay on for the past 10 over years. I should say my marriage was never a bed of roses too but we both survived to difficult times. So, never give up. If we are to keep taking heart to whatever our man did to us, we will always be forever unhappy. Also, try give yourself some 'me-time'. We need to 'detox' mentally and physically too, smile ladies
Evelyn Lai: It's never easy staying together let alone with a kid. Like what some say, listing out expectation helps. Talk to him when he is not angry. Things won't change overnight for sure. Give each other time to adjust to both of ur lifestyle. Both of u are brought up in different upbringing so things bound to be different. As long as both are willing parties, give and take, things will slowly work out. Divorce won't solve any problem.
Carlyn Chay: Two adults staying together is already very difficult let alone adding a child. Communicating is very important. May be draw up some rules and regulation so that you both know how to live wif each other. Slowly take one step at a time to accommodate each other. Your child should be able to glue the family together if both of you are on the same page.
Nadia Romano: Be more patient... Nobody say it's going to be easy. It's just a phase every couple go thru whn we start to live together. Divorce is just another way of saying 'I give up'. Don't be selfish towards ur child to give up too easily. Work things out, give it more time... Seek professional help like counseling etc. True what other mommies say divorce won't solve any problem. What makes u think after divorce u are able to cut off all ties, u will have more serious issue later like fighting for custody... The worst that could happen is loosing the custody of ur child. So please let divorce be the last option
Andy RealAndy: Chill! Divorce should always be the very last option, because there is always room for discussion. I was near your situation as well, plus the fact I have a kid & another adult is staying with us. That makes 4 in a household, not necessarily something that I wanted, but something I learnt to accept with time. Talk it out, I am sure things can work out. There is no third party, hence things will be easy to solve. Trust me, I have been through this dark period, and am still happy to announce I am married with my beautiful wife for the past 7 years.
Leena Chong: For a start, find out what are both your love languages (google online the 5 love language - Dr Gary Chapman) so since he is doing all the housework, 'reward' him according to his love languages eg Words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, quality time together, physical touch. I always believe that marriage is a partnership. When you volunteer your help, convince him that two persons doing things together will be easier, quicker to get things done & can spend time together. The way I see it, he loves you but doesn't know to express it and you also ought to express your love to him according to the ways he will understand ie thru his love languages. you can tell him to do the same to you. All the best to you both. Divorce should not be an option in this case. Jiayou!
Lenny Ng For house work, why don't you hire part time maid? I experienced that too... And it's really tough... Sometimes we just need more people to help us... As for asking you to pack your stuff, you should ask him instead, why should you pack and go? Tell him that is also your house. Ignore him and just focus on your kids. Think of your kids more important at this stage.. He will slowly learn to appreciate you in due course. It's very tiring but just bear with it.. Even when you divorce you still have other problem that need you to solve... Keep praying, praying does
Mei Shan Khoo: Agreed with Leena Chong, Five love languages is a fantastic book. Even if it starts with just one person reading it first. Give it a try.
19 hours ago via mobile · Like
Bluedolphin Ac I'm also in ur shoes dear. He only asked u to pack n go but mine was hit n I was injured. Can understand is pointless to say sorry after hurting me. But we need to stand up we live for the child sake only we can help ourself. Go seek counselling it works.
At least u still have a roof of ur own. At that time I'm living of my in laws. Until now I still do not have my own flat. I've to wait another 3 yrs more n I foresee many other problem may arise. Cos Hubby is the only son n never done any house work before so worst for me. At least ur Hubby is more willing to do although he makes complain.
He cleans up u cooked nice food for him. At time guys also need appreciation n pamper that's wat I tried doing now.
Jasmine Lee: Divorce definitely not a good solution. Give him sometime and talk to him nicely about ur problem but not argument & quarreling. if he still love u and he will do something to save this marriage. In bible says: Marriage is a covenant of companionship. The "coming together" of the man and woman is comprised of two elements. Be strong and facing the problem together. Nobody can help u except yourself.
Winnie Kang: It's really not easy during the 1st few yrs of marriage. I face the problem during my 1st few yrs of marriage too but guess Wat, it's our 10th anniversary tis coming nov. 1st few yrs of marriage, u hv a lot of demand fm each other...once u pull thru those yrs, ur marriage wil reach another stage, u start to accept each other... Than after tat, u start to appreciate each other...than after few yrs, u start to live like each other...after few yrs... U knw, u become a family member n u wil knw tat he has became part of u, ur life.
Reply With Quote
